The End: Frankie Betrayed...

I know mom, never trust a man that doesn't have the eyes of Sinatra
-Frankie, Dream for an Insomniac

I feel cheated, actually. I feel like fate has written a cruel ending to a story that I, wished had a better ending than it currently has. Maybe at some point, I knew that I was holding on to a story, a myth, but at the same time, I did not think that the story would be resovled in the way that it did. If this were Dream for an Insomniac, Frankie would find out that there is nothing more than dreaming--that her dreams would never come true-namely, David did not exist.That the whole idea she was waiting for ever existed. As a dreamer, as someone who did not necessarily wish for something more in my situation, did not expect to be so disappointed with the whole notion of love was just that--a notion. Maybe I was dreaming too much and acting too little.

In the midst of this mediocre movie, and especially after all my experiences in the past, I still held on to the notion that there was such a thing as all-encompassing feeling of being loved and loving another, even if it was nothing more than a worthwhile endeavor in the mind.Maybe it's better to feel that your experiences were part of a journey, tempted by fate, rather than a stream of disjunct evenings where you stumble to remember the name and face of the person the next day...

But in my experience, it's not.And I know that many of you will probably say, "Well, that's really how it is. What are you expecting? To be swept off your feet?Wishing for something that is so unrealistic, so whimsical, so pointless?"

In short--yes. It is easy to reduce things in life to what we already know--to the world of selfishness, narcissism, physical pleasure, and sexual tension. I used to think that there was always something better--and to think that there is not such a thing as this--is disparaging. Are we truly happy roaming through life in this manner? Honestly,at this point, I don't care enough to argue this perspective any further.

After the last few weeks, "Frankie" has been betrayed-and I return back to the world of love as an everyday nothing...and where our love is just nothing more than a notch above our settled preferences.

For all these reasons, I have opted to end this particular blog...I feel I have now outgrown this outpost of incessant dreaming and whining.

I officially invite you to my new blog, Insomniac|X. It is different than this blog in one major regard: it has nothing to do with love.

/END