Fresh Air.

Coming back home for my friend's wedding (Nadia & Tony!) has been a bit of fresh air. For once in a two week period, I don't have to bump into my problems, my "I have a job, don't you" classmates in business, and my community of oh-so fake people that happen to surround me in my classes. It's nice to kick back and...well, watch television.

I feel a bit better now. Although, I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. What do I do now..really, where do I go? I've been able to delay this question as long as possible. Sometimes I ask myself what's wrong with myself--then I shake myself back to reality, telling me there is nothing inherently wrong with me or my situation. I think that I have been fighting a wave of change in my life; a force that has been forcing me to change in the last year. So many aspects of my life has been under question. More than anything else--I see the "light at the end of the tunnel" --I just a bit scared of all the developments around me. My life has always been a foggy path towards something better, something higher. But no matter what I've done to fuck it up, it usually ends well...

So I guess this is a start of another chapter in my life, of some sorts. I guess I need to reassess and revitalize myself. I think I just need to revitalize my tired body and reinvigorate my tired soul. More than anything else, I think I need put the energy that I devoted towards some of my other pursuits and channel it fully to my job search...or whatever else it may end up to be in the end (if not a job...what?).

(Sigh).

I take back what I said earlier this week. I don't want a miracle; I just want things to go smoothly just for a while, which is not an unreasonable demand. I need faith to believe that my next step will be a step in the right direction. I just want to have some stability and to have someone behind me (friend or not) to tell me, basically, "that I'm awesome." Is that too much to ask?

If this were an episode in my life, this part of my life would air during the November sweeps...

"What will he do next? To be continued."

FYI: I watched "Dream for an Insomniac" again last night (10+ times in a six-month period).